Homesick

You can say I'm pretty homesick now. My incessant, monotonous life here prompts me to think much about home. I keep recalling about hom until I spend most of my time pondering on what I shall do when I go back home. If I don't find a way to get out of all these, I'm gonna be driven insane.

But really, I'm wasting too much of my time on unimportant stuffs. When I'm supposed to study, I let my mind float away. I understand how precious time is at this point of time. At the drop of a hat, a lot of water has flown under the bridge. I need to pace myself well not to lag behind.

And most significantly, I'd better eliminate all the disdain about myself. I need to gorge my book and fortify myself with sufficient defensive knowledge for the battle, which is the prelim exam coming up soon. I know I can do it. Ok, well, I admit if I say I'm capable of everything, I'm such a deceitful sucker. But it doesn't mean that I'm not indefatigable. Maybe sometimes I hoodwinked myself into believing that I'm no more than a looser. Maybe sometimes I prefer to keep low profile and attend the party incognito while others flaunt about their talent. Maybe most of the time I oscillate between the extrems of intelligence and stupidity, swinging to and fro like a pendulum. But basically I'm a perseverence type and I never give up on what I want.

So this is what I want. I want to make my life story more captivating. I want to do something with intellectual value but not those menial tasks like daydreaming. I don't want to be trapped in any cul-de-sac. That's why from now on I'll consider all difficulty as grottoes, they're all artificial and there's always a way to get out of them. I shall force my spirit and determination out of the perennial grassplant where it is hiding and stretch it until it is big enough to fit in a evergreen croton. I shall nullify my weaknesses and activate my strength and sanity. There's no way I'll ever demean my dignity because I want the fruit, not the pit.